Words cannot express how I feel. The long ramblings of a blog do music a disservice, for music is more profound than words. To be caught up in the description and discussions of what music is and what it does and how we make it is to be caught up in something other than music. To talk and discuss is to spend time when we are not involved in music (or not as involved as we could be). “There is always something better I can be doing with my time and that thing is to wake up more.” –Keith Jarrett. Even the most profound words do not come close to evoking the kind of ecstasy that music does when it speaks to us. How much worse for our reputation is talking than playing? So much more. Now I want to bring my thoughts into action, for that which is understood needs not be discussed.
I’m putting this blog on hold. Just as I am putting Lakeside Circus, the Double Drummer Group, my solo piano work and my free improvisations on hold. I doubt anyone will protest much at my deciding to do so. I have had the time to think over my decisions and now it’s time to decide. I’m putting everything on hold, except for the thing that really matters – music. Patience in learning will do great things for the future, but right now I’m in the present moment and I intend to stay here. Listening to music will be my safety guard from the fall I took into corruption and the exhausting ‘creative cult’ that I almost fell a victim to. Listening to music will be my doorway into a higher awareness of beauty. My reputation is irrelevant. My ability is irrelevant. My approach is irrelevant. All that matters now is music – my music. Flexibility has been embraced and contemplation has been prohibited (perhaps just temporarily, as I am quite fond of contemplation). From here on in I intend to make some permanent changes and that means making the same choices day by day and moment by moment.
Sometimes I wonder how many readers I actually have here. I know of some people that read it and some of those have (at times) made me think twice about posting here, mainly Hannaford and Feda. I’d hate to sound as pathetic as I think I sound to those people, let alone the people that read that I’m not aware of. But I guess that’s what a blog is about; putting it out there just for the hell of it. It’s irrelevant what my readers think. It’s irrelevant to me what my readers have learnt or enjoyed from this blog. The entire thing is irrelevant. The only thing that matters is my music and my relationship to it. Sounds like something a Christian would say about Jesus right? Well, music should be more intense that religion. Music is beyond words. I know where I stand. I know what I’ve learnt. Now is the time for a new chapter. A new chapter, written beyond this blog...