Being a musician really is a hard thing to be. We, as young students, see amazing musicians create brilliant music. We for some reason think we can do the same and decide to create music of our own. What we’ve heard is so magnificent that we have to break down the music making process into smaller parts. We spend years contemplating and working on music making, always asking how did these greats do it? I sometimes think that if I just do this, this, this, this and this I will make great music. But really how can we ever measure up? I think it’s a process. I think clear goals are a necessary. I think finding yourself has as much to do with expelling corruption as discovering reality. How do musicians discover reality? Or do they create their own? I have experienced music making in a corrupted way and discovering that I wasn’t fully aware of what was going on came as quite a shock. Respected musicians of the world who speak of the music making process always do so from a long way down the path, back towards the kids like me who may just be starting out. This is what can create the confusion between what is necessary and what is possible.
I’m done with having heroes. Heroes will never live up to your expectations and you will never live up to the amazing things they have done. I think the answer to that question is to just do the best you can. Making the best music that I can, and actually making it, has always been my fundamental working attitude. I was compromising the quality of my music in order to make it. But now I think that I shouldn’t make music unless it is the best music that I can make. This (perhaps ironically) means that I will not make music any time soon. There has to be a standard and that standard has to be high. I know I’m all for being on my own journey, but how does my music actually stack up?
I am always changing. I have always had pride in my wiliness to be open to new things and explore the possibilities. But now I think is the time for a clear goal. Music isn’t as simple as one two three. But I have no doubt that I am meant to be in music. That’s not meant to be a cute cry of passion. There is nothing pretty about my love of music. I don’t think there is anything in me that is different to any other musician. Plenty of people want it more than me. Plenty of people work harder than me. Plenty of people have it better than me. All I know is that I have a voice that needs to be heard. I feel that voice is a good large number of hard yards away, but I know it’s there. I’m just crawling from the womb and I want to be reading Shakespeare. Patience and persistence is the name of the game now.